Be Nice to Yourself

I am very very very good at kicking myself.

Take this morning. I received an invitation for a picnic reunion party of folks from the young adult group I was a part of through church over 20 years ago. Don't know if I'll go or not. But one of my first memories concerning people in that group was that I laughed derisively at one of the members. It was the mid 80s and I was not used to being around gay men. I was rude.

That memory came to mind. I felt terribly embarrassed. I started kicking myself.

Then I remembered ...

• I acted in an unfeeling way then, but I feel bad about it now!
• If I saw that guy, I could apologize (though he may not remember the incident)
• I'm more comfortable around all kinds of people now
  
• I am not so rude any more
• I barely knew better then.

I do know better now and I act better now. So I can treat myself with kindness and compassion now. I can live as the woman I've become, and not resort to kicking that self-indulgent young woman I was then.

Funny. I still have to actively remind myself that I've grown up! I don't have to live with the shame of the worst moments of my life. I am much more than that. I can mother the young lady that I was, and cradle her with kindness and compassion within my memories.