Thursday, August 2, 2007

Day 409: California Portrait 1

I added a new photograph to Creative Journey in my Photography section, California Portrait 1

One of the main reasons I went to on this trip was to have my friend John take some photographs of me. I had a certain look in mind, and brought along examples of the kinds of images I wanted him to capture of me. I wanted my friend to take these photos because I appreciate his aesthetic eye as much as I appreciate that he knows me well enough to capture the real me — and I trust him.

What John encouraged in me, though, was to allow him to capture all sides of me ... not just the happy put-together Margaret. But if I really wanted a series of portraits of myself approaching age 50, he challenged me to have photos taken in the midst of some more trying moments, too.

Another important reason I went on this trip was to confront a person who'd had an improper relationship with me over 30 years ago that left some really deep wounds. It was a difficult but important meeting. I give credit to the other person for having the guts to show up and talk to me, even through it was a very edgy conversation.

Thankfully, many of my questions were answered. I was given an apology along with some explanations. I got a clearer view of what had been going through this man's mind when he pursued me all those years ago. I left the meeting emotionally drained, but able to put that segment of my life in a compartment of my brain where it sits much more comfortably than it has for the last 30+ years.

I'm feeling brave to admit (however vaguely) what happened so long ago now, and to share this image of my anguish. I can own where I've been so that I can become even stronger. And I don't find it a sign of weakness to exhibit this pain and dishevelment.

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