It's Getting Personal

I'm going through a thing.

I've referenced it before, here on my blog. Now it's reaching a different stage. For the last year (plus), I've been dealing with higher-than-my-usual levels of anxiety. I realize many of us have. It's been a difficult 19 months in the U.S. Besides the whole Covid-19 debacle, I'm also resetting my life due to moving to a new state and my husband having a stroke.

I'm taking care of myself. Using all the tools ... diet, meditation, writing, gratitude, puzzles etc. I've been in counseling. The bipolar syndrome I deal with is well-managed. But now and again, the anxiety peaks higher than I deal with comfortably. So I've been prescribed a new medicine to be used only at those peaks. I've had it for nearly three months now, but used it for the first time last weekend.

Yowsa. It works.

My brain did feel dopey, yes. That part lasted for a couple days and was an ... unusual ... feeling. Not something I want to experience very often. I doubt I'll have any urge to abuse this medicine because I'm not fond of that particular feeling. The remarkable thing for me was how "released" it made me feel. 

I'm a very responsible person. I often act like I'm responsible for more decisions than I actually am. I have super high standards for myself, and when I approach them, I reset the bar even higher. I'm tied to my task lists more than I like to admit. I have a horrible habit of kicking myself for not meeting my own expectations and then whining about it out loud. For the last several weeks I kept talking about "running away" so I could have a break from the junk weighing on me. But, you know, right now there is no place to run.

So, with Dale home to keep an eye on me, I took a pill.

I have never felt so free and relieved before.*

What is important and what isn't important became very clear. I actually rested and had no guilt for "doing nothing." Twice, I took a nap! A true rarity because I usually can't allow my brain to turn off for a while. The feelings were greatest the first day, but they've lasted for most of the week. I'm far less amped up, and much easier to be around in general ... including easier to be around my own self.

I don't have the urge to run away anymore.

One of the things that felt less important was writing a blog post here every day. So I've missed a few days. On purpose. 

I love this blog. I've had some version of it since the early days of the internet when I started CameoRoze's Stitcher's Studio, my website about needlework. Studio Window was created in 2007. It's a big part of my life. I use it as my digital scrapbook. I like to look back on my posts and see what I've accomplished and note how I've handled my life's big events.

Right now, though, there's a bit of "burden" to my daily posts. As Dale and I approach full retirement, I'm slowly releasing burdens.

So for a time, I'll write blog posts when I feel like it. Sometimes it will be daily. Or there might be days -- weeks? -- in between postings. I don't know. I'm making it up as I go along.

I feel a transition, and I'm going with it.

-----

*  Well, except, perhaps,

    when the judge told me in court

    that I no longer had to be the family trustee.

    That was life-changing.

    A "before-and-after" moment.

Throwback Thursday: Need a Little Love

I want to spread some good feels today. Here are some heart items I've made over the years.

Crayons

Wonky Scrap Crochet Rug

Wizard's Wand

Snape Puppet

Needle-punch Greeting Card 

Paper Wreath

Cross-stitch (Pocket Detail on a Velveteen Tote Bag)

Cookies

Cross-stitch Phone Pouch

Cross-stitch Decor

Artist Trading Card

Bookmark

#throwbackthursday

New Self-Portrait

I attempted a new photography technique, taken with a phone camera. I learned it on TikTok!

I like it. I think I'll try it again, giving myself more playtime with it than I did tonight. I'm pretty sure I can make it more dramatic.

My Concession

Well, not my concession

but the puzzle is called Amusement Park Concession Signs.

This jigsaw puzzle reminds me of the annual "Lion's Fair" that I went to every year as a kid. Any of my Fullerton friends remember it?

The last time I went, I was about 18. I slammed the car door on my thumb. It hurt like a son-of-a-gun for days.  Eventually, my thumbnail fell off.

Interesting memory. 

Oh. There was another time when I was about 10 years old and I threw up after getting off the Tilt-A-Whirl. 

Amazing that most of my feelings about the fair are positive, even though these two less-than-ideal memories were the first that popped into my head.

Memory triggers are oddball things.

Ugh

I'm attempting this today

Unfortunately, it's not going well

Gilded Lily

 Sun-kissed at the golden hour

#flowersforfriday

Throwback Thursday: Poochies

Some are pups I befriended on my walks

Others are friends-of-friends

#throwbackthursday

Retro Wheels

This puzzle was challenging because the colors are subtle, but it was quite fun at the same time.

At 500 pieces, it was just the right size for an afternoon of puzzling. 

The details are wonderful. It reminds me of the cars my parents drove when I was a kid. 

Eugene Park Tour -- Amazon Park (part 4)

I took a short walk along a concrete path to get a glimpse of what lies in the north part of Amazon Park. There are ballfields there. Some gents were having a pick-up game of soccer. Beyond the field are some basketball courts.

For the littler kids there is a giant fun-filled play structure, built on a carpet of outdoor turf. It's soft and spongy underfoot, so getting "owies" when taking a tumble can be mitigated. Check out the great firetruck and winding slide.

What child wouldn't want to climb aboard a purple-polka-dotted dinosaur? I sure wanted to clamber up her back.

There are even some giant musical instruments nearby. 

Dale couldn't help but to try out the xylephone.

Eugene Park Tour -- Amazon Park (part 3)

Dale and I next toured the area of the outdoor pools and the second community center. 

Where the other community center is devoted to arts, education and meeting rooms, the Hilyard Community Center concentrates on recreation.

The center was closed for business the evening we visited, but it appears to be an excellent place for gathering.

The pool complex is amazing. There are several pools so that every age can enjoy the water. This is the wading pool.

The largest pool has a curvy waterslide.

The lap pool looks ready for serious athletes and competitions.

Next time we'll need to visit the park when the pool is filled with kids and laughter.

Eugene Park Tour -- Amazon Park (part 2)

Dale and I returned to Amazon Park on a sunny afternoon at the end of August. 

We haven't had any rain in quite a while, so it's getting awfully dry and brown around here. The creek for which the park is named is running very low and slow right now.

This end of the park has different amenities from the eastern Community Center side. Here at the south end next to the bus depot, you'll find a popular dog park,

a colorful skate park,

and one of the entrances to the well-maintained running trail. Along the trail are these markers which not only help you know where you are, but add information about the nearby wildlife. There are also some permanent exercise stations for strength and balance training.

Dale took advantage of the trail, and urged me to join him.

Beyond the Fence

Into the horizon

#tonightssunset

Puzzle Daze: Rainbow Duo

For the final post of Puzzle Daze, I saved this remarkable pair, the rainbow duo. These two puzzles were a blast to put together. The illustrations are incredible.

The first? Rainbow Lion. Those eyes though!

I saved the best for last. Rainbow Chrysanthemum. After all, I needed a flower puzzle today. It's #flowersforfriday!

Fear not. I've still got four more puzzles completed and ready to write about. But now that I'm close to being caught up, maybe I'll put another puzzle together this weekend. You know. For a change.