The Here & Now

I'm a person who tends to dwell on the past, on memories. I'm married to a person who is a visionary. Even in his job, his duties include strategic planning for the future of the business five and ten years down the line.

It's one of the many ways my sweet husband and I are polar opposites. But it's his ability to see into the future that is one of his most attractive qualities.

I've mentioned before that I spent some time in counseling over the last few years. One of the reasons was to work through post traumatic stress disorder. The process was really interesting, though difficult and scary. It involved being aware that I am safe now while revisiting the traumatic event in my past. My counselor would have me relate part of the story, and as I began to flood with the old feelings and fears, she'd pull be back into the present moment so that I'd know I was safe now.

That was the key. To realize that then was then with all it's fears and pain and insecurities. But now is now! I'm safe. I'm loved. All my basic needs are fulfilled along with quite a lot of just plain wants and desires.

The change in me didn't happen all at once. It happened over time, with my persistence in wanting to change, wanting to stop being a victim, and doing the hard work to make that happen. The hard work became easier when it was broken down step by step. Baby steps.

So now, when I catch myself looking back, I can stop, recognize what I'm doing, realize that those things that caused pain in my past are not here in the present. Those things may not even be resolved! But they no longer have to affect my daily living.

I continue to move away from the way I lived in the past. I continue to be aware of and grateful for the gifts right in front of me today. I move with my sweet husband toward that future that he sees so much more clearly than I.

And I'm happy to report, the my focus on our future together is becoming more clear.