How Good Are You?

That's a good thing. An encouraging sign.

One of my worst days? When my oldest daughter was in "the awful years" ... the years between ages 17 and 21 ... we had a helluva row. She was really getting on my nerves and I needed her to just get out of the house for a few hours to give me some time and perspective. I was at the end of my rope. She wouldn't go. She said she'd remain quiet in her room. But that was not good enough for me. I wanted her OUT of the house.

I ended up sort of running her out the door, pushing her and screaming at her at the edge of the driveway. I wanted her to go for a walk or something ... to just remove her energy from me so that I could calm down and get perspective. But I ended up screaming at her in front of the neighbors.

Truly, the Monster Mommy came out.

I believe I ended up sitting in my closet hiding behind the clothes again, crying. Surely one of the worst things I ever did. Deliberately hurting my child.

She and I are good now, of course. Apologies were made. She's grown up some more, moved away, married. And so we move forward and become women who respect one another while still remaining mother and daughter.

I am better than that horrible incident all those years ago. So is she.