Changing Patterns

It's more on the theme that I wrote about yesterday. Once you realize that what you are doing or thinking is destructive, you have a choice. You can keep on doing the same thing, or you can change it. Let's hope the change is for the better.

But if it's not? No problem!

Make a new choice.

Sunday Secrets: Nov 09 & 16, 2008

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. I find it to be an amazing sociological experiment.

My schedule has been so topsy-turvy lately that I missed the last two weeks of my very favorite blog posting! So here I am to catch up ... and more tomorrow morning (I hope!)

Yowsa! How passive aggressive.
I wouldn't actually DO it, but I'd consider it!

We need this president.
I hope he gets the chance to serve well and long.

What a great idea! I hope I check out one of these books.

Ugh! Betrayal. It sucks big time. I deserve better.

Regrets. We all have a few, right?

There were times, especially in college, when letters from friends did this for me.
I was so lonely and needed that connection.
(Postcard from Post Secret France)


My sweet husband does the same for me!
(So do some sweet friends)

Ditto!

YES!

Why I FLY

I am a huge fan of Marla Cilley, the Flylady. Her system of building routines to keep your house in order, discard clutter, and take care of yourself -- love yourself -- has made a gigantic impact on my life for the better.

If you don't know about the Flylady, I invite you to take some time to poke around her website.



For a short introduction to her system, check out this short video.

[ And it's all FREE advice! ]


She does have a book that you can purchase, too. It's the same advice, just more portable!

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

This is where Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, comes in for me. In it, he encourages being aware of what is going on in the present moment ... to keep one's thinking present to what is happening right now, right where you are. Be aware of your breathing, your surroundings, your current state of being.

I've learned, through practice of presence, that if I keep my thinking in the present moment, I can generally get rid of persistent negative thinking.

When I was in counseling, one of the things my counselor helped me with diligently is how to recognize my own negative thinking so that I can change it. Besides learning to purposely insert positive thoughts into my day, I also needed to learn to replace the negative thoughts that tend to loop in my brain over and over. I don't know that I had 'avalanches' of negative thoughts ... my problem was more like having the same negative thought repeat itself ad nauseum.

One of the greatest tools my counselor gave me was this simple statement:

It's just a passing thought.

How simple! How profound. That phrase made so much sense to me. As I considered it, I added a bit to it that made the idea even more valuable to me:

It's just a passing thought.
Like a traffic circle,
I can veer out of the loop at any time.

Once I recognize my perpetually looping negative thought, I can then choose to ease out of that loop whenever I'm ready. Once on a new path, I can replace the negative thought with one of my positive phrases.

By changing my negative thoughts, I can change my circumstances.
By changing my circumstances, I upgrade my life.

If You Are Lucky

One of the things that make my daily walks enjoyable, besides taking pictures, is grabbing my Zune and allowing myself the pure pleasure of listening to selected podcasts.

The Writer's Almanac is one of my favorites. Hosted by Garrison Keillor, these 5-minute daily segments start with a chronicle of writers who share that birthday and a brief statement about the writer. He also notes anniversaries of important events that changed the world. Then he'll give a slightly longer bibliographic note about one writer in particular. The podcast ends with the reading of a poem.

Listening to these podcasts stirs my literary blood and helps me reconnect to the latent English student that rests inside my skin.

The poem featured on November 6, 2008 was particularly poignant. I thought I'd share it here:

--*--

Lucky
by Tony Hoagland

If you are lucky in this life,
you will get to help your enemy
the way I got to help my mother
when she was weakened past the point of saying no.

Into the big enamel tub
half-filled with water
which I had made just right,
I lowered the childish skeleton
she had become.

Her eyelids fluttered as I soaped and rinsed
her belly and her chest,
the sorry ruin of her flanks
and the frayed gray cloud
between her legs.

Some nights, sitting by her bed
book open in my lap
while I listened to the air
move thickly in and out of her dark lungs,
my mind filled up with praise
as lush as music,

amazed at the symmetry and luck
that would offer me the chance to pay
my heavy debt of punishment and love
with love and punishment.

And once I held her dripping wet
in the uncomfortable air
between the wheelchair and the tub,
and she begged me like a child

to stop,
an act of cruelty which we both understood
was the ancient irresistible rejoicing
of power over weakness.

If you are lucky in this life,
you will get to raise the spoon
of pristine, frosty ice cream
to the trusting creature mouth
of your old enemy

because the tastebuds at least are not broken
because there is a bond between you
and sweet is sweet in any language.

--*--

To learn more about this poet, visit Blueflower Arts

Or purchase his book of poems, Donkey Gospel.

Incredible Edible

One of the things I love most about blogging is getting familiar with blogs of other creative people. There is so much inspiration to be gleaned from poking around the sites of artists, designers, needleworkers, photographers and other crafty types.

What really strikes me as odd is when I get inspired to do something in the kitchen after reading a blog. I mean, I'm a very decent cook. Yet spending time in the kitchen is not one of my favorite past times. Still ... baking is something I enjoy quite a bit.

So look what Vicki of Turkey Feathers inspired me to bake!

Dutch Apple Pie

You can find the recipe at All Recipes. It's a winner!

What I love about it most is that it has a full bottom crust, but the top reminds me of the apple crisp my mom used to make. The secret lies in the way you wrap the Granny Smith apple pie up in parchment before popping it in the oven.

Ohmygod! This is SO GOOD ... that I had to make a second. And then I made a peach pie with the same kind of topping. And I have enough Granny Smiths for a third pie. For Thanksgiving, perhaps? (Whoops! There goes the weight loss plan! SO worth it!)

The pie is sweet and tart and crispy and to die for! If you get inspired to bake this beauty yourself, let me know!

The Unbreakable Bond

These kinds of moments are indelibly marked in my life:

• Catching the middle two swings in the kindergarten playground with SS
• Being chased by RS through the hedge at the back of the elementary school playground
• Having my tears soothed by LW when JS dumped me as her best friend
• Laughing with BB over kelly green socks bought for the priest
  
• Accepting my standing as "reject" with DB, and becoming our own clique' of two
• Grasping the hand of LB in a London lift
  
• Standing in the 100 section of the library with JT, talking about philosophy and belief
  
• Accepting with awe the gift of a 12-string guitar from VM
• Playing and exploring and breaking up and reuniting with TM
• Midnight walks and coffee with TW and DC
  
• Holding hands with MP while gazing at the night sky in the San Bernardino mountains
  
• Looking into VB's eyes after our literature class, sensing her need for prayer and a friend
• Feeling calm in the quiet presence of AB when I told her I was pregnant
• Listening to GE's stories of divorce as he helped me find my way through my own
• Working through marital troubles over lunches with BP
  
• Creating new needlework chats with MA and finding excuses to work together
• First kisses with DD
• Sharing secrets of past loves and daughter's antics with SF
• Admitting guilty pleasures and conflicting emotions to SN

I'm incredibly grateful for these friends that have shared a season of their life with me. I relish those who stay in touch. I send blessings to those who have fallen away as rose petals, drifting to earth in the night.

On My Desk - At the Laundromat

If it's Wednesday, it's time for another installment of On My Desk

Today's desk? A folding table at the laundromat.

Considering that I haven't posted a 'desk' in a month, I guess it's OK that this picture is really from last Wednesday instead of today, right? Seems like I just can't keep up with all that goes on in my life ... and this was a particularly off-track week. I spent a good portion of it in Moscow, ID with my middle daughter, then traveled across Washington state to Seattle for the weekend.

While in Moscow, I helped my daughter wash six huge loads of laundry. I did some knitting while the clothes were washing, then helped her fold the clothes and bedding. Voila!

[ Hmmmm. That's really all six loads? ]

Today's desk should have been from Quilters again. This morning, my buddy Susan and I laid out five lap quilts. They were 'throws' ... without theme or discernible pattern ... made up of left-over rectangles from other quilts. But of course, I forgot my camera.

[ That's OK. Throws are not my favorite things to make. The jumble of fabrics makes them feel like hot messes to me. ]

Or I suppose I could have shown my current knitting project ... but it's more on my lap than on my desk.

Ooooo Temptation!

And I have been sorely tempted this week!

Looks like I'm in good company.
;D

Laugh. Just Laugh.

This is the best gift my sweet husband gives me, and he gives it regularly.

On days when I'm really struggling with my inner demons, his oblique comments and understated wit can reel me to the surface every time.

I spar with him verbally.
I laugh with him heartily.

I am one blessed and lucky woman.

So come on.
Laugh.
Just laugh.

Back on Track

Tough day today.
Slight headache most of the day.
Inability to pull myself out of my head.
Focused on the past instead of the present.
Wishing for things that cannot be; people I must not connect with.

Staying centered is always harder when I'm overly tired or off schedule. Being away from home for a week ... being present at Julie's cat's death ... travel across state to a city with too many steep hills and bridges ... wrapping my head around the idea of my girls far away at college soon ... not enough down time with my sweet husband ... all these things knock me off my stride.

I made a couple faulty steps today, but didn't stray too far off track.

I just need to refocus.
Refocus.
Refocus.

Take more steps in the direction I want to travel.

I need a steadying hand right now.

Acceptance

I want a raft so I can catch this ride.

Let YOUR Light Shine

This is one of my favorite things to do.

Shine.

Then watch others reflect my shine, and shine a bit on their own.

To Each His Own

So, the situation with my daughter's apartment took a turn for the better!

Shortly after I posted yesterday's blog entry, my daughter's landlord called to say that he'd be by in the morning to pull up the old flooring, treat the mold with bleach, and have someone come in to fix things up. Though he knew the bathroom needed attention, he hadn't realized how bad it had gotten. He said I gave him a wake up call.

Wow.

True to his word, he came by. Poor guy. I could hear him retching as he pulled up the old vinyl flooring, scrubbed the icky stuff and washed on the bleach.

In between treatments he worked on some stuff in the yard. I helped out in the main part of the apartment by cleaning the entry way and scraping the crud out of the kitchen sink and de-greasing the stove. So ... he saw that I wasn't just some mom demanding other people do work, I was willing to get in there and help, too.

Later on, we had a very nice conversation about our kids and the whole learning-to-become-adult phase. His daughter made it through and is a fine upstanding member of society now. I apologized for my rather aggressive attitude yesterday, and noted that the mama bear was coming out to protect her child.

I guess what I'm saying is ... because I was so forthright last night, he saw the situation through the eyes of a parent instead of his more usual role as the eyes of the landlord. When I spoke to him in terms of not wanting my daughter to live this way, he could see that he wouldn't want his daughter to live like that, either. To his credit, he took direct action.

In our conversation today, I got to see through his eyes, too. He explained his time constraints. He made a comment about how he was disappointed in the housekeeping abilities of his current tenants. It was a small, non-vehement understated comment ... and it said volumes. As a landlord, he had a hard time wanting to make improvements on a place when the tenants weren't taking care of what they already had.

We had a chance to see through the eyes of each other's experience today. We each gained a valuable new perspective.

Well done. Good, good day.

Self-Acceptance

I get sick and tired of bullshiters.

So ... I had another great day with my college daughter. She wrote her presentation for her senior class project. I edited it. We ate together. I dropped her off at class. I helped her tidy up the handout for the class. I attended her presentation. To celebrate her accomplishment, we went out to dinner with one of her best friends.

Did I mention it poured rain all day?

After an excellent day and evening together, when we got back to her basement apartment ... it was flooding. Under her desk. In the bathroom. In the laundry room.

The landlord came and jimmied the rinky-dink pump and plumbing system. After we cleaned up the mess, and he got the pump working, the water flow stopped.

But ... ick. This place is a mess. You can tell that there's been plenty of water damage for years. There is a moldy smell in the wet rooms. It needs attention.

So when the landlord stopped back in to see if the seepage had stopped, I asked when he intended to fix the bathroom problems ... redo the floor and lower portions of the walls. Get rid of the rim of rust and deal with the mold.

He said, "Well, for the mold, just use bleach on it."

"That's fine for the surfaces, but that's not going to fix the mold under the flooring and in the walls. When is that going to be addressed?"

"Well, the walls ... I just painted them a year ago."

"That may be, but paint doesn't solve a mold problem."

"I don't know. The basement's been dry for the last nine years."

"That can't be right. Just look at these walls. They've obviously been water damaged for quite a while."

"You'll just have to believe me. The basement has not flooded in years."

"I suppose I can believe that it hasn't flooded, but there is obviously still some kind of problem to have this much water damage."

And around we went. Pleasant, but insistent.

So ... why couldn't he just own up to the obvious problem? Why not be real? Why use semantics ... it didn't FLOOD so there is no water damage? Give me a break!

If I can be real and unashamed of who I am and acknowledge my faults, then I have two options:

I can work on changing aspects of myself to live a new way or I can admit that this part of me is a feature, not a bug.

But to ignore and deny the obvious ... well, that just makes you look like an idiot, even if you are a university professor.

The Popeye Expression

"I am what I am!" ... or is that, "Oye, Olive Oil, Iyam wha tie yam!"

-

Today was a sad day for our family. One of us died. Julie's cat, Rolly, was a part of our family for over 12 years. He was a big, muscled, long-haired black cat. Ornery! He was a one-person cat, only really loving Julie, though he could tolerate Jodie on his good days. He'd run away from Dale ... and stand and hiss at me. We used to call him the Stealth Cat because of the way he'd slink in the shadows then hide in the closets or behind the furniture.

Over the last few months, Rolly went from 16 pounds down to less than 10 pounds. When I held him this morning, he was all fur and bones. Julie made the tough decision to help him peacefully leave the earth. She asked me to drive down to Moscow to be with her and Rolly during this transition.

We did first things first. Made Rolly as comfortable as possible and gave him lots of love, then drove him to the vet. We stayed with him, giving him love as the drugs were administered. After one last, loving head butt, Julie and Rolly said good-bye for the last time.

What does this have to do with today's phrase? I suppose it's that it was ME that Julie wanted by her side for this. That I could bring something to this situation that is unique. I could love my girl as she poured her love into her cat. Then I could hold her up and keep her busy with tasks ... breakfast as our favorite nook, a bit of craft shopping to get supplies to make a memory box, moving Rolly's things out of her apartment, cleaning her space, taking her to work, eating dinner, doing a boatload of laundry, buying snacks for the all-nighter she needs to pull to get her class presentation complete.

In that mix of tasks, we rib each other, tell dumb jokes, and simply enjoy the oblique humor the two of us share. In between each task, we stop and cry, grieving for the furry critter that has left his mark on our lives.

I don't for a moment think that I'm the only person in the world that could help Julie through this tough time. But I do believe that I have some unique qualities that she seeks to make it over the bumps of this week. I'm so glad that Julie embraces these unique and quirky gifts I have to give her. She helps me understand my own gifts. She brings them out in me.

Know Thyself

Me too.

Well, What Else CAN You Be?

This has been the bane of my existence.

I grew up as the 7th of 11 children. The youngest sister. I was told what to do not only by my parents, but by all those siblings that were born before me. Even with all my insistence that "You aren't the boss of me!", I didn't believe my own words. I knew they were the boss of me and I had very little personal power. My sweet little spirit could be easily bullied or crushed into tears.

Frankly, some of my siblings were brilliant. I wanted so much to be like them.

I was most often compared to the brother that's 2 years younger than me. He's another very smart sib. In addition, he's a very competitive spirit. It was extremely difficult for me to find and hold my place within the family, to have personal boundaries and learn to protect them while at the same time being accepted as part of the pack. It was a test to be an artistic and cooperative soul in the midst of so many competitive elbows jockeying for position and attention.

It was not easy for me to have the confidence to simply be who I am.

The weird thing is, it's even more difficult to shake the competition and comparisons. I'm now harder on myself than my sibs were on me ... or, at least I allow myself to let things fester for longer than my sibs tormented me. I still check to see if I 'measure up' to the standards (I perceive) they set.

Is my faith as grounded as Eleanore's? Am I as likable and quick-witted as Paul? Am I as smart and self-assured as Carl? Do I have a measure of David's quiet, intelligent humor? Can I teach the things I know how to do as well as Annette teaches her specialty to her classroom students? Do I have a practical and pragmatic side that can handle hard situations like Janet? Will Mark outshine my accomplishments and steal my spotlight? (For some reason, I don't feel the same sort of competition or need to compare myself with my 3 youngest brothers).

It took a lot of time and trial-and-error and awareness and help and empathy from my counselor to help me recognize and change some of these old mental tapes, these old belief systems. Though I am much improved, I still struggle with believing in my worth, being sure of the value I bring to those in my life.

Yet if I can stand back far enough ...
if I can be quiet enough ...
if I can listen to my sweet husband with enough trust ...
as I practice living in the present moment ...
there is no one to compare myself to ...
no one to compete with.

Our guest author is correct.

It's so much simpler to be who I am.

A Day of Rest

Today, I literally spent most of my time at home. My sweet husband and I brought our laptops out to the dining room table and spent time working on our individual projects while bantering with one another, sending each other links to funny videos, and snacking on Chex Mix.

It was a very good way to spend a day ... getting things done, and enjoying each other's company.

More than being 'at home' at home, I long to be comfortable in my own skin in all situations. Sometimes I still get intimidated by folks I perceive to be on a higher social plane, or by folks with huge talents that I admire. I can still be a nervous ninny when I step too far out of my comfort zone.

But I'm getting better all the time, being sure of who I am, and meeting others from that secure point of view. I long to be at home wherever I find myself.

Old Fat Naked Women

My sister, the feminist activist, sent a link to this video.



It's so good, I had to share.

Hope

We got a big heaping helping of Hope on Tuesday.

Finally.

It's been a tough eight years of fear-based action and reaction.

Now, perhaps, our country can move forward with decisions based on Hope.

Yahoo!

Maybe It's NOT the Other Guy

So many times when I find myself pushing against the world because I want something done my way, I just don't get what I want.

Stupid world.

Stupid people.

Don't they know that everything would just go much more smoothly if they just listened to me and followed my directions? I'm very good at giving directions. In fact, I'm excellent at writing step-by-step directions! So why don't people just listen, read and follow??????

:: beat head against wall here ::

Then ... I get out my secret weapon. I ask my sweet husband for advice and shut up long enough to listen to it.

My sweet husband. He doesn't fight the world like I do. He finds ways to work within established systems, even if those systems don't meet his preferences.

[ ::snort:: Which is why he is good at living with ME ]

If I can shut up and listen. Ask questions. Debate. Consider. Stew a bit.

Well ... I can compromise or, yes, even change my mind.

Often, in doing that, the hard times don't seem so hard.

When I step back and watch objectively, I can see that people that know how to live in Plan B generally have much less angst. They don't have so many "should-a" and "have-ta" moments in their lives. They are more like water, flowing over and around rocks in a stream. Not like me.

A big old chunk of ice trying to get by without melting.

Paper Cuts

A while ago, my daughter introduced me to artist Peter Callesen.

He does amazing things that involve combining 2-D flat images with 3-D artwork made entirely of cut and formed paper. The detail exquisite.

His pieces are just stunning ... and very inspiring! There is both humor and poignancy in this art. And like all good art, it can inspire and provoke.

Just think about it. How can we use our medium of fabric and fiber to make a new-dimensional piece of art?

On My Desk - More Quilt Tops

If it's Wednesday, it's time for another installment of On My Desk

Today's desk? The work tables at Quilters

Most Wednesday mornings you'll find me at St. George's church, working with the Quilters. We have only about six more weeks to get a truckload of quilts ready to donate to our local food bank. Warm the tummies, warm the tootsies.

So today my buddy Susan and I laid out three more quilts. I forgot to get a snapshot of the first one. It was new for us because the focal fabric depicted the Jewish holidays.

Then we did this quilt that had three fabrics in very muted tones and the pop of yellow-orange for interest. Unfortunately, the photo doesn't do this justice. That yellow-orange was so vibrant against the other fabrics that the quilt almost pulsated.

Finally, we laid out this quiet holiday lap robe — just the right size to tuck around the knees of our elderly friends in wheelchairs at a local nursing facility.

I adore this focal fabric depicting a cold winter scene. It reminds me very much of the Palouse here in Idaho.

Talk to Yourself

One of the most beneficial things I learned how to do last year was to give my brain new food to chew on. With the help of this book, my computer's recording capabilities, and some concentrated time and effort considering what I wish the voices in my head were telling me, I've been able to recognize unhealthy thoughts and replace them with new messages.

What I did was write the new ideas and thoughts down. Then I recorded them digitally. Then I compiled them like a playlist. Then burned them to a CD and to my mp3 player.

The process takes time.

Plus, I had to get over the feeling that I was doing it *wrong* or that if anyone heard these things I'm telling myself, they'd think I was stupid or vain.

Then I had to make myself listen to the recording daily ... in the beginning, as often as three times a day.

As with any new skill, it takes persistence and patience to learn it. It has to become a habit, a routine. I had to replace old, unproductive habits and thoughts with new, healthy ones.

In a way, I suppose these daily phrases are just the same. I find them throughout the month, copy and paste them to a document (so read them twice in that process). In preparing them in advance, I pick from my list which I want to use, place them in a different document in alphabetical order, then turn them into an image (so read them again at least three times). Then I post one per day, reflect on it and write about it (so read it again at least twice).

So you dear blog friends get to read the quote once and, hopefully, snatch a bit of wisdom from it. But I've already drunk in the message at least seven times. It's a message to both me and others.

A Step in the Wrong Direction

If I'm not making mistakes, I'm taking life too safely.

We all make 'em. The trick is trying to learn from them, use them to inform our lives, to live differently as we go forward.

It's in the Numbers

The law of averages, right? Try enough things, some will work, some won't. The bad ideas may be real stinkers. Here's hoping they don't linger.

The good ideas that work? Staying power!

So have LOTS of ideas. The more you try things, the better you get at trying them. The better you get, the more likely some of those ideas will be winners.

Sunday Secrets: Nov 02, 2008

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. I find it to be an amazing sociological experiment. It was quite a bonanza on the site this week. Six secrets were familiar or caused a dramatic reaction:

Indeed it is! Eight years ago, my heart sank when the ultra conservative administration was elected. I thought the country had gone mad with fear. Now, finally, new hope is flowing in.


This sickens me. Not that the secret holder is a supporter of gay marriage, but that the secret holder does not believe in the democratic process enough to trust that ALL the people's voices need to be heard. I'm appalled that the votes would not make it to the ballot box.

Always. Doesn't everyone?

Aye-aye-aye.

Amen.

Yikes! Not THAT kind of goofball!
*
or ...

Like Polo and Lindbergh

I doubt my name will go down in the annals of history like Marco Polo or Charles Lindbergh. I am not one to do great things in the eyes of the world. I so admire those that take the risks and go against the grain, then accomplish great things.

So instead, I blog. My tenuous steps into bravery come in revealing little bits of myself through my writing, burp out my philosophy of life and my questions about my own existence a morsel at a time.

When I began this blog, I didn't know I'd share of myself this way. I thought I'd just show of what I do, not who I am.

But is it possible to do one without the other? Hmmm. Not inside this skin.

Putting fingers to keyboard every day, showing my needlework, my photos ... even my cooking triumphs ... is my own way of crawling down the cliff, holding on to scrub branches and rocks as I scrape my way down.

I wonder ... what would it be like to jump and fly and figure it out as I go? That sounds like "Plan B" on steroids. It sounds much less controlled than where my comfort zone snoozes.

I do like that image, though. Jumping off the edge of the cliff and building wings on the way down. Is it bravery? Or foolhardy? Is it exploration? Or a near-death experience?

Either way, there'd be a lot of endorphins available to flood my brain.

That alone makes it enticing.

Clean 'em Up & Clear 'em Out

I'm on a mission.

I spent the majority of today with my blog reader. Ever since I went back to Connecticut in August, my blog reader has been piling up with unread posts. I was starting to feel like I was drowning.

So today I put some concentrated effort into reading the posts I wanted to read, discarding the posts I'd never get around to reading, and purging my subscription list to keep only those blogs I enjoy most. I feel so much lighter!

Now, I'm moving on to my e-mail box. I'm deleting old e-mails I've never read, unsubscribing from company newsletters, paring down my address book, finding the important e-mails I want to answer. So far, I've only scratched the surface. Perhaps I can make time tomorrow to make a much bigger dent.

There is just so much information out there that I'm interested in that it's hard to not be a glutton for it. I get inspired by these creative women who design and sew and stitch and sell their wares. I enjoy entering sweepstakes online. I like knowing about new products and services. I want to get in on the sales.

But a person can absorb only so much.

The same goes for stuff around the house. In the last week I was able to freecycle 8 dining room chairs, two recliners, a pair of closet doors, a chandelier and a yogurt maker! All these usable-but-not-needed things sitting around our home are now out the door and into the hands of folks that want them.

It feels good to purge. It clears the way for air and ideas to flow. It takes effort, it takes time, and it takes a willingness to release things we once craved. Yet once the flow of purging begins, it feels so good that I look for more areas that can use some breathing space.

I like this feeling of stripping down.
;D