Don't Take Things So Personally

This is a lesson my counselor has been trying to help me learn for over three years now. Sometimes, it sinks in. Too often, I still take things personally.

I really hate that phrase, though: Don't take things so personally.

It makes so little sense to me. If someone says something to you about you and it's cruel or unflattering, how else are you supposed to take it?

So my counselor gave me another phrase that helps me take a step back and look at the situation from another point of view. She says to look at what they say and then realize that their point of view "says a lot more about them than it does about you."

I'm getting better about using that tactic. Still, it's hard to re-wire my brain from the way I was raised with rapid-fire offense and then reacting defensively. I react so fast, that it's hard to remember to take a beat and realize that the person speaking is revealing an ugly part of themselves. Just because they say something rude and offensive to me, doesn't mean that what they say is true. It's just their perception that they've been rude enough to give voice to (often in the name of "for your own good."

So ... who made them the ruler of the universe and asked for their opinion?

My old English professor says that when something like that happens to him, he just laughs in their face. Pretty much takes them off their game and causes them to examine what they just did or said.

I am finding that the more sure I become of who I am and what I stand for, the less likely negative things others say to me affects me. It helps, being 50. I have experience on my side now, and have gained some wisdom along the way.

The flip side of negating the rude things people say to me is that I now go out of my way to remember the positive things people say. Remembering that people generally do like and appreciate me is like a shield against those that throw pissy bombs at me.