Christmas Gifts

I spent some time over the last three days doing some online Christmas wishing. I saw some things I'd enjoy having (though relatively few). I bought some hard-to-find-locally items for my family. I sent a Christmas wish or two to some friends.

The rest of the hours online were spent catching up with my favorite blogs. Most of these blogs are related to my interests in crafts, design, needlework and photography. But a few I read just for the humor and insight. One of my favorites by far is The QC Report: notes from the underwire.

(Thank you, Kathryn, for pointing me to it!)

Quinn's post from this week is about Christmas being a time where things enter your home that are desirable right now, but become "crap" within a year's time. As she sorts out her daughter's closet, she considers five truths about the Christmas season. The essay is well worth the read.

The point that most struck a chord with me was #4:

THIS ONE HOLIDAY ISN’T GOING TO FIX YOUR CHILDHOOD

That's the source of the above quotation. It's so good, I had to pluck it.

I suppose that it rang on tone because, for me, fixing my childhood is not just about Christmas. As I traveled through counseling and my Creative Journey, it seems what I was trying to do most was come to terms with uncomfortable things from my past. To examine the details of my life. To Fix My Childhood.

And what I'm learning deep down in my soul is the simple truth that it can't be fixed. It can inform my life. I can (and do!) learn lessons which I use to build my future. Yet try as I might, repeat those post traumatic stress episodes as often as I choose, I can't rearrange the events of my past, the events that shaped my life. Those need to be understood within the context in which they happened, and then be accepted. I need to remember that not only did I experience those events, but that I got through them alive and (mostly) well.

Perhaps the most poignant part of the phrase for me is:

trying to spackle over some really ancient sadness

ANCIENT being the operative word.

So this year, I'll try not to worry about the amount of gifts under the tree or how much/little money I have in my checking account to spend. I'll be less concerned with what the 'picture' looks like (the literal and the metaphorical picture). This year, I'll try to focus on being truly present to my girls and my sweet husband. This year, I'll make the time I give the people I love more important than the physical objects.


By the way, Quinn has a book that's about to be published!
Notes from the Underwire: Adventures from My Awkward and Lovely Life
Check out the pre-order on Amazon.

This is one item that did land on my Wish List.