It's Your Choice

I was told earlier this week, "I stay away from people like you. You know. Happy people."

In other words, 'I feel lousy, my life sucks, and I don't want to be aware that anyone has a life that doesn't suck.'

Yeah, right.

In my philosophy of life, SO much about how good or lousy life is depends on the attitude I bring to it. My circumstances may be lousy, but I don't have to be lousy in the situation. I can choose to bring a different attitude to the situation.

Like ... gratitude for the little things I do have, the little things that are going right.

Like ... trying some different ideas to try to help change the lousy situation. I can choose to bring an attitude of possibility.

Like ... setting up some reasonable, personal boundaries so that I don't allow others to deplete me of my time and energy.

Like ... lowering my expectations so that when things go better than expected, I can celebrate what stopped being lousy.

This is not to say that I don't have my share of down days, or that I don't have days where my concentration is off and I have a hard time staying focused. (I was in the latter state today!) But it is to say that so much of what happens in my day does depend on my own choices.

Here's one of my favorite stories from my single-mom days.

When I was a single mom, I had a full-time job working for the county assessor. The pay was less than $12,000 a year. My ex was not giving us any money for child support. I was raising two preschoolers, and because I was working full time, they were in daycare. I lived in government subsidized housing. I was on food stamps. I was using the WIC program for milk, cheese, peanut butter, etc. Financially, I was in a tough spot. But I had my college education and a bit of pride, and was trying to do as much as I could off the public dole.

Swallowing my pride, I finally went to the welfare office to see if the kids and I qualified for Aid to Dependent Children. I had to make an appointment during regular work hours ... meaning that I had to lose job hours in order to see if I could get welfare. That, by itself, was not an easy choice. But I did it. I took in all the paperwork, answered all the questions. I followed through with the appointment with the social worker.

She did all the calculations, then looked up at me and said, "Oh, dear. You earn $5.00 a month too much. You don't qualify for assistance."

"Really?!?" I grinned. "Excellent!"

She looked at me, very puzzled. "No. I don't think you understand. You will not get any aid."

"No," I insisted. "YOU don't understand. This means I'm making it!"

I left the appointment elated. The woman continued to stare after me with a perplexed look on her face. That was not a reaction she usually saw or could believe.

But to me, it was a choice. I could be upset that I was so close to getting some more financial help. Or I could choose to be glad that, tough as things were, I was making it! I was finding a way to support my children when my ex-husband would not.

I DID have brains in my head. I had the ability to choose my path. I had the ability to try things until I found something that worked. Then I chose to have an attitude of gratitude rather than one of a pity party.

At least for that morning, I chose to believe that I was doing OK and if I kept working at it, my life with my girls could get better and better. All I needed to do was be persistent, apply myself, try new things, accept the opportunities offered, continue to learn new skills and upgrade my talents and abilities. Eventually, I did dig myself out of that hole.

I chose to look up.