There are times when I can't get out of my own head. Today is like that. I have a malaise about me. A lack of energy. A touch of ... sadness ... unnamed.
To break the circular thoughts, Dale and I took a ride in the convertible. A little wind in my hair. My favorite human by my side. A bit of distance vision.
It helped for a while. Then that passed and the lack of vision returned. So we try the next thing. It works for a while. Then we try the next thing.
Maybe the dropping barometric pressure is bringing me down. Maybe I haven't had enough hours of sleep. Maybe it's because my excited, "I want to try this!" list has devolved into a "When the hell are you going to get around to it" list.
Maybe it's part of the grief because one of my brothers died. I don't quite know what to do with the feelings of losing a brother who hasn't wanted to be close to me for years. How do I grieve the loss of a person in death when I've been grieving our broken relationship for years when he was alive?
All these feelings will pass. Or morph.
In a few days, I'm off to a long-anticipated, soul-opening retreat. The teachers and women I meet there are sure to help me alter my energy and outlook.
Until then ... well, until then I'll hang close to Dale. I'll attempt to be kind to myself, to allow the uneasy thoughts to slip out of my grip, and try the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing until some effervescence returns.
No comments:
Post a Comment